I went to the bank with my mom today to look at different options of how I was going to be spending my money on my trip to France and Italy. We didn’t know what would be best: to get a travel card, to get a debit card with my savings account, or to just open a new checking account and use a debit card with that. We decided to go with the latter as the others had too many restrictions. I had already had a savings account, but only my parents and siblings had checking accounts because they had jobs and had bills to pay, etc. It made me feel all grown up, like I was going to walk out of their and start paying rent or something (which is completely ridiculous).

I also went to a couple places to pick up applications for jobs. I went and picked one up for the pool a county over (because our county doesn’t have a public pool) to work in the concession stand. My sister already works there, so I’m hoping I can get a job as well. I really need one. I want to save up for a car, and in the long run for college. I know my parents will help pay for some of the cost, but I also don’t want to be one of those people who is 65 and still paying college loans off. Does that make sense?

I’ve been working with my mom, who cleans houses part-time, since I was probably twelve or thirteen. While it’s nice when I can work with her, it’s limited only to the summer, or days that I have off from school (like this week). I just need to get a steady job.

I feel like lately I’ve just had tons of responsibility kind of thrust on me. I realize it’s all a part of growing up, but it’s just stressing me out. I need a job but I haven’t been able to find one. I’ve applied tons of places but haven’t heard anything back. I’m really trying, but I can’t seem to find anything and no one seems to be hiring.

I don’t know what I want to do with my life which scares the crap out of me because I have to decide where I want to go to college soon and what I want to go into and study and make all these decisions that will affect my future. I just don’t know! It doesn’t help that the only thing that remotely interests me, which is French, everyone scolds. I told my dad I was thinking about studying it and he was all, “French?! You can’t do anything with that! I’m just going to be negative and make you feel bad! Blah blah blah!” Urgh. -.-

I feel like it was just yesterday that I entered high school as this little naive freshman girl. I still feel like her in some ways. Sometimes I wish I could just go back so I wouldn’t have to freak out about all these things.

It’s just been one of those days.