Uhm, I don’t really know where to begin.

We left for my grandparents’ house in Pennsylvania right after I got out of school on Friday. Because it’s such a long drive, twelve hours, we decided to stop about halfway there at a hotel to sleep. We usually don’t ever do that, since gas is expensive enough, but we did for a change, and it was really nice, being able to sleep in a bed instead of trying to fit my entire body on my seat. Ha.

We arrived around two at my grandparent’s. We all walked in and noticed immediate differences. My grandpap was lying on a hospital like bed (you know, the ones that raise up and down and have the bars on the side so you don’t fall off) with an oxygen tube in his nose and then another tube injecting him with some type of liquid or medicine, or something. I didn’t ask; I don’t really want to know. There’s this big machine at the foot of the bed that makes all these odd noises all the time, too.

I don’t think he knows who any of us are. I think he knows we’re familiar and we’re either family or friends, but he hasn’t said any of our names and he keeps calling my dad Bob, my other uncle. I guess it’s comforting knowing that he knows we’re at least loved ones and not complete strangers.

He’s extremely skinny, to the point where he almost looks malnourished. He was a slim guy to begin with, but now his clothes are baggy and he has to wear belts with his pants. He doesn’t talk much. Well, to be fair he doesn’t do anything really but sleep in his bed. When he does talk, it’s just little comments like, “Why, look at the wind,” or “I want a Pepsi.” My aunt and uncle said that he hardly eats, despite everyone’s efforts to get him too. Usually a few bites is all he will eat and then he’ll say he’s full. He also uses a walker now, which I know a lot of elderly do, just seeing my grandpap use one is so… sigh. I don’t know. He used to be so strong and healthy for his age; seeing him use one just kind of breaks my heart.

My aunt and uncle who live right next door to my grandparents came over shortly after we arrived and talked with us about how things have been going on around here. My dad had taken my grandma to the cemetery to plant flowers on her parents’ graves so my aunt and uncle were free to tell us everything. While my grandpap has been doing awful, my grandma is totally blind to that fact. She thinks that he’s improving and getting better, and that soon enough he won’t need all these machines around his bed. I’m not being a pessimist, but he really is not going to get better; he’s past that point.

She’s also starting get confused, and often. It’s not that there is anything really wrong with her medically, she’s just old. Things just aren’t clicking when people try to explain things to her. For example, my grandma wanted to my aunt to get her groceries, so she said she’d drop by after work to get them. When my aunt dropped by later, my grandma said, “You’re home from work early. When are you getting the groceries, later tonight?” when my aunt had the groceries in her hand and was actually late coming home from work.

My grandma loves to cook and is an amazing one at that, and she’s always very precise in it. Afterward, she would always clean the kitchen up and it would be spotless, but now she never does that. She made a cherry pie for us, and when I walked through the kitchen this morning to take a shower, it looked like someone had been murdered. Me and my mom cleaned it up; at least the pie still tasted amazing.

There are some things that still remain the same. They still have this bird that should have died like ten years ago. It sits in the dining room and squawks all the time; it’s thirty-two years old is what my grandma said. My grandma still cooks great, at least from the one pie we tasted. We’re having a ton of aunts and uncles and cousins over later for a memorial day picnic, so we can put her food to the test later. Except, I don’t think we’re eating outside, heh.

There’s nothing to do here, and I’ve been in a pretty down mood, so despite saying I was going on a hiatus, I’m not. I just need to talk. I get horrid service up here, so I can’t really text Andrew. I can call him though, for some reason that always goes through.

So basically what I’ve learned, is that my grandpap is like a little kid. You have to help him with everything and do everything for him. He can’t bathe himself, so someone comes about three times a week to bathe him and help him shave and everything since my grandma can’t. You have to cut up his meals into little bitty bites. He used to love desserts. My grandma would always have to watch him after she cooked a bunch of cookies and pies so he didn’t sneak off with some. Now he says he’s too full to eat them.

Seeing all this just makes me want to go home. I don’t want to see or remember either of them like this.

I feel like this week just dragged on and on, and then when Thursday and today came, it just zoomed by. Not a whole lot really happened through the week besides all my teachers simultaneously assigning projects and essays and other excessive and time consuming work. I’ve also been really motivated, for some reason or another, to add more visitor content. So I worked on that all throughout the week and added a pretty heft amount of content that I hope you all will use and enjoy. If not, oh well. I had fun making all of it.

My mom has also been in what I call this clean-and-pitch mode, where she cleans everything in the house from head to foot and pitches everything she doesn’t want or that we don’t need. Which, honestly, we needed. My two brothers basically hibernate year round in the basement, so needless to say that two grown men don’t know how to pick up after themselves or stay remotely organized. Since Ryan came back from Greece, and Rachel from college, we just kind have been throwing junk down there. Well we went through that and got rid of a lot of stuff. We reached a stalemate though when my mom didn’t want to throw stuff away, she wanted to sell it in a garage sale, so we couldn’t do much more until we hold one, which we think will be either in the summer or fall.

I’ve also been really needing to clean my room. So I picked it up and vacuumed, when my sister made a proposition. I have long been wanting a closet organizer, as my closet is just a mess, and rather small, so I have no where to put anything. My sister has one, and she said she would give it to me if we switched rooms.

Now, it seems like the obvious answer would be not to switch rooms, since I have a much bigger room than she does, and I have more furniture so it would be hard to fit it all in her smaller room. Yet, if we switched rooms, I would not only get the closet organizer, but my mom said we could redo our room completely. Which means I can paint my room, which I have been wanting to do for a while too. I mean really, I can only stand this ugly teal pastel color for so long, right?

Soooo, I’ve been kind of debating back and forth whether I should take up the offer. I think if I switched rooms, since it’s smaller, I would stay more organized since I would have less space to work with, which would be really nice. It also forces me to go through my things and get rid of just plain crap. Which I really need to do. I haven’t gone through my desk drawers or dresser drawers in who know how long. I can’t even remember the last time I went through them, which is pretty bad.

I’ve started going through some clothes and old scrapbooking things (which used to be a big hobby of mine) and have cleared out two drawers. Success! I’ve still got a ways to go, and I figure even if we don’t switch rooms, I just really need to go through everything. Not just my closet, not just my floor and under the bed, but through all my drawers and spaces. It’s funny, all the odd things I’ve been finding so far. Some of the things date back to when I was still in elementary school–seven years ago! Sheesh! I think I just grow attached to things and don’t like to throw them away.

So do you guys have any advice as to what I should do? I’m kinda stuck in the middle.